For those of you have been paying attention the past few weeks, this past Saturday was my 27th birthday. I had big plans to go to the zoo with Mick and Flynn but the stinking hot weather put an end to that ( too hot for us, and too hot for the animals to even bother coming out of their shade or shelters ). No matter – i thought my boys could take me to lunch, and then i could have birthday cake with my family. All good.
But it wasn’t – it wasn’t all good at all. My mind, and my heart, wouldn’t let it be. I wanted so much to really enjoy my birthday, to enjoy the time with my family, but i just couldn’t. Somewhere in the back of my mind, in the depths of my heart....there she was. There it was – the shadow of my lost friendship, hanging like a black cloud over everything. Even though i was surrounded by family, i felt like something ( or someone ) was missing. The first birthday with no “ happy birthday! “ text, no card, no shared cake. And even though i had loving family around me i felt strangely, mind-numbingly, alone.
I had lunch with Mick ( Flynns teeth were playing up and i didn’t fancy having a squirmy, sooky toddler with me at the restaurant), then we had birthday cake at home, an d then i went for dinner at my parents ( which i didn’t eat, because i didn’t feel hungry ). The first chance i got i snuck off and sobbed my heart out, the kind of sobbing that makes you dry heave and makes your head ache. My dad came and found me and i poured my heart out to him – he’s always really good with advice and gave me a few words of wisdom, and confirmed that i am NOT, in fact, a horrible person. So i swallowed my tears and went down to the loungeroom to watch “ Toy Story 3 “.
And thats my birthday – drowned in a sea of lonliness and bitterness and hurt, and seemingly controlled by someone who wasn’t even there. Bring on my 28th!
