Sharing Or Comparing?

When should a mum NOT feel proud of her child? When should she keep her mouth closed and not share her childs achievements, for fear of offending other mothers? Is it all in the way we say things, and not so much in what we're actually saying? And should i feel that horrible " mothers guilt " not for the way i parent my child, but the way my childs development makes other mothers feel?


These are all hypotheticals of course - i dont think i've actually said or done anything thats made another mum feel horrible ( at least, not intentionally ). I only ask because i wanted to leave a comment on another blog this morning, but i hesitated before my fingers hit the keyboard. See, this post was in regards to a beauitiful little childs development, all the things they were learning and milestones they had hit and, as another mum, i wanted say " job well done! " and share my experiences. After all, isnt that how conversation starts?

Learning to stop and say " cheese " when he sees a camera. Yep - i'm so proud! ( Even if it is when he's totally naked, running around Poppys backyard ... )

But then i paused - if i mentioned how Flynn was doing, was that me trying to compare our children? Would this other mum take that as me saying " Anything you can do, i can do better ". But then i though i wouldnt feel this way, i wouldnt hesitate, if i was saying " good job - Flynn isnt up to that yet ". No, i was only feeling that mother guilt because, in comparison, Flynn is a little further along the developmental path in one particular area than the other child.

So - should i feel bad that i left that comment? Should i only be proud of my son when his success isnt quite as good as someone else's, so i cant be accused of gloating ? ( Not that anyone has accused me of that, this all in my head thus far... ). Or should we just keep our traps shut when our children do something well, and only mention what we think will make others feel good? And how do we navigate the mothering landscape, learning and sharing and developing, without doing our bloody heads in worrying about what other mums are thinking of us?

Just Call Me Slummy Mummy

I’m suffering from mummy guilt. Or maybe I should make that housewife guilt, because its not exactly the mothering side that I’m feeling guilty about, but rather the taking-care-of-housework side. That is, I kind of feel like some things are getting away from me and that makes me feel like I’m not doing the best job I can.


See there is cleaning washing piling up all around me – some that needs folding, some that I’ve already folded and just haven’t put away yet; dirty washing to be done sitting in the laundry; I haven’t vacuumed the floors in well over a fortnight and I think my wonderful post-baby hair fall is causing my bathroom tiles to resemble a shag carpet. Even as I take 10 minutes or so to sit here and blog, I know I could be using this time to put away the clean dishes ( that Mick washed last night ) or fold some of that piled up washing ( most of which Mick washed on the weekend ). I also know that all those parenting and mummy magazines say that the dishes can wait – whats most important is me and my baby – but I cant help but feel that bad that my house does not look like my mothers house, or at least the way I remember my mums housing looking when I was a kid.

Granted, my mum also let the clean washing pile up ( so maybe that’s hereditary ) but as far as I can remember Mum always had the carpets vacuumed, the furniture dusted, the dishes washed,dried and put away and had everything ready so that when Dad got home he could cook the dinner ( yep, my Dad did most of the cooking. He’s just better at it then my mum ). I know my mum had the whole “ it’s a womans work “ thing ingrained in her brain by my grandma and believe me, I don’t want to be some kind of weird Stepford wife, living only to please her husband. But I feel like Mick deserves a nicer, neater house than what I keep it, and I feel like I’m letting him down in someway. He says I’m not and, besides, I make him awesome muffins… but still, I just feel like I could do better.

So tell me other mums – and not-mums who manage to keep everything in order: how do you do it ? And, if like me, your in slummy-mummy territory, how do you feel about it?