I've Gone And Done It

So - I've gone and done it. After many months of sleepless nights, noisy attempts at controlled crying and parental presence method, of nursing to sleep and sleeping with little feet in my back..... i've applied to spend a week at Tresillian*. I've posted half a dozen times about Project SleepyTime, my hard fought battle to get my son to be able to self settle, to fall asleep and stay asleep, without needing me to drag my sorry, sleepy, scary-haired slef out of bed to help him. Well, its just not working. We had a 3 good weeks of sleep but i cant attribute it to anything i did - i tried every tip and trick in the book for two and half months with very little improvement and then one night Flynn just decided to sleep for 6 hours straight before waking up. He did that every night for 3, maybe 4 weeks and then he got a fever and a virus and our whole good sleep thing collapsed. I've tried everything over the last two and half weeks to get him back on track: we kept up with the music that had worked before but it had no effect this time; i patted and stroked and sshed and sung lullabies; we even put a nightlight on in his room, which has gained us maybe an extra hour or two of sleep.

But Sunday night was the last straw. Flynn didnt fall asleep ( and stay asleep ) until 11pm - Mick and i had been nursing and patting etc since 7pm - and woke at 1am.... and decided he wasnt going back to sleep til 6am. 5 hours he stayed awake. He wasnt crying the whole time, he just didnt want to go to sleep. He wanted to play and watch tv and snuggle. I took him for a 45 minute drive, towards the end of which he fell asleep. I got him out of the car carefully but as soon as his head touched his pillow - bam! Awake and crying. It was 4am in the morning and i'd had enough - i left him in his bed crying and went back to my own bed. My heart said i shouldnt leave him there crying, my head said maybe it was too cold, or he'd poke his arm through his cot bars and be uncomfy but my body was so exhausted that i fell asleep...and i didnt wake til 6am. And Flynn was still crying. I'd left my baby to cry for 2 straight hours while i slept. Thats when i decided pride be damned, we needed help.

I feel like i've given up, like the worst mum in the world. I feel like i've done something so drastically wrong that i cant get my baby to have healthy, happy sleep and now i've just thrown in the towel. Thrown my hands up and said " here, someone else, you deal with it ". I know in reality thats not how it is but thats what it feels like. Failure. Yuck.

So i've gotten a referral from my lovely health nurse, she helped me fill in and submit the forms. Now i just have to ring the facility on Friday and speak to a nurse to make arrangements ( i suppose ). I'm hoping i get in before i go back to work otherwise i'll have to delay returning to my job, which will mean a delay in finances - and the last thing i need on top of no sleep is to go broke. Wish me luck ladies...

* For international readers - or anyone who doesnt know - Tresillian is a baby and family health service. I'm hoping to spend a week at one of their sleep clinics, where they'll teach Flynn how to sleep again, and me how to help him.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

I think I may be the bad cop in our parenting relationship.

Not this kind of bad cop though - Mick wishes!

See, in the last day, Mick has twice "rescued" Flynn from a place he didnt want to be - in his cot, going to sleep ( a la Project SleepyTime ) and on the floor having his tummy time. Though the self settling is getting better, sometimes Mr Flynn is still trying his darndest to resist going to sleep. I, being Mummy, am happy to let him cry for 10 minutes and then go in and settle him, knowing that the whole thing is beginning to work and he will eventually fall asleep. Last night Mick says " you want me to go in this time? " and. happy that Daddy was wanting to help out with the Project, i obliged. Next thing i know Mick is back - with Flynn in tow. " He didnt want to go to sleep " he says. Well yes, i know that, but he would have if you'd given him just a few more minutes. Flynn, meanwhile, still has his dummy in but his smiling his little head off. In his mind its Flynn-1, Mummy-0.

And then there was tummy time. Flynn is not really a fan. He never has been, but i think now that he's older he's starting to get frusturated that he can lift his knees and belly off the ground but he still cant move forward. I have tried telling the poor little bloke that he wont learn to crawl unless he has his tummy time, even if he doesnt like it. I have even discussed this with Daddy. So i put Flynn on his tummy and within five minutes he's having a whingey cry. I tell him he's ok, you'll be alright and go to the kitchen to get a drink....and come back to find Flynn off his tummy and on Daddys lap. " But he was crying, he didnt want to be on his tummy " says Mick. Grrr.... Flynn-2, Mummy-0.

Then, this morning? For the first time ever Flynn has a cuddle with Daddy and then, when Mick hands him back to me....Flynn turns his little head, reaches his arms out to Daddy and starts his whingey noise. I want my Daddy! Although i'm glad that he's finally past his clinginess, and loved the look of joy on Mick's face when he realised he was the " wanted " one this morning, methinks this also means that Flynn knows Daddy is a softie - and that Mummy is the hard arse.

An Update On An Update - And, Umm, Another Update

In the past month, I've challenged myself to start, and complete, two seperate tasks - the first is known as Project SleepyTime and the second as Operation SlimDown.

As you all know, Project SleepyTime has had varying degrees of success. Okay, mostly failure - until now. This week, after having a week of good sleep until Sunday night when Mr Flynn ended up back in our bed, i decided to try something else. Something new. I thought maybe if bubba's main problem is that he wants someone in the room with him ( and usually he wants it to be me... ) perhaps some noise would be enough to convince him that although he was alone he would, in fact, be okay. So Monday i put a radio in his room. This, however, didnt quite work. The only station i could pick up on my crappy old clock radio was an AM station that was only talkback during the day. A symphony of voices wasnt exactly soothing. So, come Tuesday i bought Flynn a cheap CD player and a CD of Bach for babies. It gets around his lunchtime nap time, he's exhibiting all his usual tired signs, i wrap, cuddle quickly, pop him in his cot, give him his binky, tuck him in tight, give hima quick kiss and make my exit. And then.... nothing. Ten minutes pass without a peep so i poke my head in and there is my usually cranky, restless, always-fighting-sleep child, fast asleep. Angelic-like. The same thing happened for his afternoon nap. No crying, no kicking, no arching of the back. Just into his cot, music on and zzzzzzzzz.

Wednesday, being the second day, wasnt as good. He fell asleep on the boob having a feed so there was his lunchtime nap and the afternoon nap took two attempts and a little crying and some head-stroking from Mummy before he got to sleep. Today though? Not too bad - he had his morning nap at my brothers house ( Flynny got to have a playdate with his cousins while i went to the Target toy sale ) and lunchtime nap at home, with the music, was instantaneous sleep. A bit of a fight again in the afternoon but again we got to sleep without having to be rocked. I'm waiting to see how tomorrow goes down but methinks we are starting to have ourselves a little bit of success with the self-settling.

And Operation SlimDown? Its slow going, but its going. Its been around 5 weeks since i blogged about not being a fatter version of my old self and i've lost a grand total of 1.3kg. Not so crash hot ( definately not up to either Biggest Loser or Jenny Craig standards ) but at least its been a loss and not a gain. I reckon if i put in just a tiny bit more effort - and stop indulging in sweet, sweet doughnuts - i may be able to crack a 5 kgs loss in about 2 months. Fingers crossed!

Project Sleepy-Time, Take #2

So, Project Sleepy-Time - like i said, it kind of failed. Fell through. Had been put on the back burner. We've had Flynn in our bed everynight for the past two weeks, simply because its been easier to get him to sleep there and Mick and I would like to get some sleep too. Last night though, i managed to have him sleep in his own bed the entire night - he did wake up for one feed at 4:30am and i did have to get up five other times to put his dummy back in, but he stayed in his own bed. No cuddling, head stroking or snoozing between Mummy and Daddy, just the hot water bottle and his own blankies in his own bed.

So, consider today the start of Project Sleepy-Time, take #2. I went in to see my community health nurse again today ( thank god for community health nurses! ) and talked with her a little more about our sleep issues. She seems to think that Mr Flynn is suffering some major seperation anxiety, just that it seems to be only associated with his sleep. Its like everytime he wakes, he needs to immediately know that i'm nearby or else he wakes too much and gets in a panic, which is why its so hard to get him back to sleep. So, she said just to try putting him his own bed again tonight, see if i can get another relatively good nights sleep out of him, and if all goes well just keep doing what i'm doing.  If not, she suggests that we set up a porta-cot beside our bed so that way when Flynn wakes he can see me and i can reach down and touch him, without actually having him in the bed with us. That way he has what he needs but we still have our personal space. Score! As he gets used to being in the porta-cot alone and sleeping pretty well, then we start to move the cot further and further from our bed until he's back in his room.

Alright - i can handle that, if thats what we need. Hopefully we dont need to, but if we do i'm willing to give it my best shot. The only other thing she suggested that i'm not exactly looking forward to - GET RID OF HIS DUMMY. I actually think its a great idea, i'm just not too much looking forward to the hassle of it, but i'd rather do it now while his whole sleep is unsettled anyway, rather than get him sleeping well again and a few months from now try to take his dummy, thus unsettling him again. Wish me luck!

An Update ( For Those Who Have Actually Noted My Absence )

Nope - i havent fallen off the face of the earth. And no, unlike my last lengthy absence, i havent given birth again ( i'm not a miracle worker ). Nope, i've just had a fussy son who refuses to sleep the way i'd like him too and just not enough extra time up my sleeve.

See - remember Project SleepyTime ? Its  not going so well. Its been put on the backburner, for now. I thought we were making some headway after a week or so of going through the motions, but as we got better at our day sleeps, the nights were starting to get worse. Not that they were good - waking two or three times a night, sometimes taking an hour and half to go back to sleep - but they were getting markedly worse. And then, there was last Monday night - Flynn woke at 9:45pm and did not fall back to sleep until 4:10am. 6 hrs - and he whinged and cried and screamed the entire time. I became hysterical, crying and crying and pleading with him to be quiet. I almost took myself out of the house to just sit somewhere away from him, except that it was -4 degrees outside and i didnt want to risk frostbite. I took his temperature three times and it was normal. I gave him Nurofen because i thought it might have been his teeth ( it wasnt and the medecine did nothing ). Mick and i rocked and walked and patted and stroked.... nothing.I got so desperate i rang a medical helpline who, despite the lack of symptoms, suggested i take him to the local ER because he'd been crying consistently for more than 2 hours. As soon as i put him in the car and started driving, he laughed and giggled ( i drove for five minutes and then went home ). Finally, after 6 hours of crying and over an hour of me lying beside him and stroking his head, Flynn finally fell asleep. And so did i, on the mattress beside him, utterly exhausted - only for him to wake at his normal time of 7am, which meant i was existing on 3 hours sleep.

The next night he woke at 11pm and it took me and hour and half of cuddles and stroking to get him asleep. The night after that, when he woke at 8pm, i nursed him on my lap until Mick and i were ready for bed, and then put him in bed with us. Which is where he has stayed the rest of the week. Its only been a few days and i'm already over co-sleeping. We have a queen sized bed but i'm all cramped and my back has been killing me because i dont have the room to roll over properly ( and i spend the first few hours twisted at the waist with my arm slung across my son. ) Somehow Flynn knows if i;m not touching him, which is half the problem - you think he's asleep, he's snoring and all limp and then, as soon as i place him in his bed and my hand leaves the back of his head BOOM! his eyes open and he starts sooking. He doesnt calm down til his back in my arms or back in my bed. Its driving me mental.

So, to clarify, i have been missing in action for the past week because my normal blogging timeslot has been taken up with nursing, rocking, patting , stroking and trying to get some sleep. As we speak, Flynn is asleep beside me on a mattress on the loungeroom floor ( it looks like squatters have taken over my living room ) with his feet touching my leg. I am toying with the idea of putting him in his cot and just seeing how long he;ll stay asleep. I'm thinking an hour at the most, at which point he'll wake up and i, out of frusturation and exhaustion, will bring him to bed with us.

Any advice people?

Uh, How Do I Put This?

The first day of Project Sleepy-time ? Big. Fat. Fail.

I thought we were going to be ok, at first. He showed tired signs at around 8:20 am. I wrapped him up, gave me a quick snuggle and put him into his bed, as described in my last post. It took 45 minutes of crying ( and 2 minutes of me stroking his cheek, which i dont think was allowed ) to get him to sleep. 45 minutes i spent lying bag in a bean bag, with my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. Not too bad for our first effort. I could put up with that.

Flynn woke after an hour and he was all smiley and cheery and generally adorable. I was going to try putting him to bed again around noon but my sister-in-law asked if i could look after my 18 month old neice while she went to the dentist ( yep, no problem ). Consequently, we didnt try to another nap until 1pm. This was when the fail came in. Long story short - my previously adorable son lie in his bed, wrapped up and tucked in, crying and screaming for two hours. This was only because, after an hour and half, i couldnt take anymore of being in the same room and i cracked, curled up on the floor in the fetal position and bawled my eyes out, before my mum rang and out of the blue and i begged her to come and help me.

Yes, you read that i right - i full on cracked. Crumbled. Came unstuck. But my mum took Flynn outside, and my dad helped me off the floor, and we had a chat and worked out a way to help me ( my dad, who walks every afternoon, is going to come and take Flynn with him so i can have an hour to myself to clean, or cook, or read, or nap... or whatever )..... and i am ok. And i will be ok tomorrow.

Maybe we are not ready for the Parental Presence method. Maybe it will be better tomorrow. Maybe it wont work at all and i'll just have to try something else. But i'm gonna keep trying cos that the kind of mumma i am - vunerable and perhaps slightly mental, but willing to do whatever i can for my bubba....

Welcome to Project Sleepy-Time

Name: Project Sleepy-Time

Aim : To get my son to learn to sleep without mummy having to cuddle him and pat him. That is, Mr Flynny needs to learn the skill of self-settling - i cannot keep hugging him to sleep. He is only one week off being 6 months old and i think i'm ready to give the whole self-settling thing a proper shot.

Method: After much reading and chatting to fellow mums and the Tresillian nurse on MSN Mums, i have decided to go with the so-called " Parental Presence " method. Heres how it works: i wrap Flynn up and give him the usual cuddle until he's calm/drowsy. Then, rather than keep the cuddling and patting going til he's comfortably pushing out the zzz's, i'm going to put him in his cot, tuck him in, give him a kiss and tell him its time to go to sleep. Now, the " parental presence " part - rather than leave the room i'm going to curl up in a bean bag right beside his bed, where he can see me, and pretend to be asleep. If he becomes agitated i'm to keep my eyes closed and say " Ssshhh, its time to go to sleep ". In theory i need to keep this pretend sleep thing going until Flynn falls asleep.

Dude - this is going to be hard! I am under no illusions that this is going to be both difficult, and time-consuming. I've tried controlled crying and, believe me, my son must have one hell of a stubborn streak - i've left him in his cot, alternately whingeing and crying ( with me checking on him every 10 minutes ) for almost 2 hours ( out of sheer frusturation ). Did he eventually fall asleep? No. No, after 2 hours it was time for him to have another feed. We've tried the controlled crying for over 2 weeks and not once has he fallen asleep in his cot on his own. Fail, controlled crying, fail.

So, " Parental Presence " method, here we come. Its now 7:41am on Monday morning - we have been awake for 40 minutes, have had one booby feed, will be having a yoghurt in about half an hour and i'm anticipating tired sign by 8:45am, at which point Project Sleepy-Time will come into effect. I'm thinking today is going to be full of crying, screaming, general non-cooperation and a frazzled mummy, but i'm determined to stick with it. Wish me luck!